We all have a need for recognition

How do you get your need for recognition met right now? Is it being met at all? And, could it be time to show yourself some kindness and approach it in a positive way?

I work with an absolutely brilliant team. Not just great — truly brilliant. Having spent many years in business, I genuinely feel privileged every day to collaborate with people who are so hardworking, creative, inspiring, and just downright lovely. Which is what makes this story all the more difficult to tell.

We were on a full-team call, celebrating a big win. Everyone was thrilled about being selected to deliver what the client described as a ‘market-leading’, three-tiered leadership development programme. The energy was buzzing as people praised the incredible work our Solutions Director had done to secure it. The issue? She hadn’t secured it — I had. She’d been completely out of the loop, away on holiday. If she’d been on the call, she’d undoubtedly have been the first to correct them, saying, “This was Elke’s win, not mine.” But she wasn’t there.

I tried to stay calm, reminding myself it’s always a team effort, but if I’m honest, I didn’t feel calm at all. I felt unseen, unappreciated, and, truthfully, a bit annoyed. Then, in a moment of weakness, I let my frustration show, saying, “It would be nice to actually get recognised for what I did.” And the regret hit almost immediately. I felt embarrassed. Small. Ashamed.

Here’s the thing: it would be easy to assume the moral of this story is to rise above these unintentional slights and show up as our best selves. But for me, the real lesson went deeper: it was time to acknowledge my very human need for recognition.

Every one of us has five driving forces — universal needs that guide us: certainty, variety, belonging, service, and recognition. For me, recognition has always been the hardest one to embrace. It feels, well… needy. Embarrassing. Even a bit self-centred. But here’s the crux of it: these needs are part of being human. If we don’t acknowledge them, we can find ourselves unconsciously seeking to fulfil them in negative or unhelpful ways.

My big takeaway for this year has been to fully embrace my need for recognition and to find positive ways to meet it. And, when I need support in this area, to ask for it from a place of self-awareness and self-compassion.